The Navy is confusing

About a month ago, the Navy put a new commander in charge of the shipyard. I feel a little bad for the guy because he had to move from the Pearl Harbor shipyard. I think I would quit if my boss told me to move from Pearl Harbor to Portsmouth. So this new guy has brought a lot of energy and a few traditions to Norfolk. The first is everyday at 8 am, the national anthem is played. Over the loudspeaker system I didn't know existed. It's a little like 1984/V for Vendetta. If you are outside, you must stop walking during the anthem. If you are in your car, you must stop driving during the anthem. I sit in a cubicle and read, so it doesn't really affect me. It's only bewildering to me if I'm in the little boys room.


Another tradition the new commander instituted last week was shipyard cleanup day. That sounds like a good idea, and it is. A little planning and execution would have made it really good. Here's how it went down. An email went out to all 7,000 employees telling them to assemble at the end of a pier. So at 7:20 Thursday morning, about 7,000 people gathered on this pier. Some dude got on the microphone and said the following:

"Welcome to shipyard cleanup day. Let's start with some stretching. Reach your hands up as high as you can. Now reach down and touch whatever you can. Now grab your shoulder and twist. Ok good. Now I want yall to just walk around and if you see something that you aren't proud of or needs cleanup, do it. We have about 30-40 brooms so let's get to it!"

Wow. Let's diagnose that. I'm not sure he knows much about stretching. I'm not a physical therapist, but "Touch whatever you can" is not great technique. I still don't know what "Grab your shoulder and twist" means. I'm pretty sure 30-40 brooms is inadequate for 7,000 people. So after feeling exceptionally limber, I walked around with my coworkers, picked up trash, observed confused dudes with nothing to do, and shoveled dirt with a dustpan. Yeah you read that correctly. I found a large amount of dirt impeding drainage to a storm drain, so I asked upper management for a shovel. "We don't have any shovels" was the reply. So I found a dustpan and shoveled dirt in to trashbags for about an hour. A few more hours of picking up trash and it was time for the commander to say a few words. I stood amongst the 4,000 clueless shipyard folk as the speaker setup was inadequate and thus nobody could hear the commander.

The best news? It was decided that this event was to be held quarterly. I'll keep you informed of the next awesome cleanup day.